From trauma to dream

I had my first birth experience in 2018. We moved to a new city, I chose the nearest clinic. This just seemed practical to me. In general, I didn't worry too much about the birth. I trusted my body, as I always did.
I enjoyed my pregnancy with complete confidence in myself and on 12.07.2018 the time had come. My waters broke at night and we called the ambulance. We were so full of anticipation that the paramedics asked me if I was sure that a baby is born today.
At the hospital I was greeted with the words „Oh, not another woman“. This sentence was like a slap in the face. I felt unwelcome and not wanted. Unfortunately, this feeling persisted throughout the entire birth.
I was hardly offered any help (due to too many births) and my boyfriend and I felt overlooked and helpless. The labour came to a standstill in the expulsion phase. The epidural meant that I no longer had any feeling in my legs, so that After a few hours, a caesarean section was the solution.
I was so nervous during the operation that my pulse got faster and faster and after the birth, he was moved to another room for further observation. Our son was sent with my boyfriend to the room where the birth was to take place.
After more than an hour, I was finally allowed to see our baby and hold him in my arms. We were discharged from hospital after three days.
When I thought about the birth, I felt like a failure and had no confidence more in my body. The thought of another pregnancy was painful because This catapulted me straight back to my old birth. This feeling only emerged months to years later. Probably only when we started the have toyed with the idea of having another child.

I suppressed these thoughts and tried to come to terms with the experience. Now I got pregnant again in July 2021. I could hardly be happy because the fear was immediately present before the birth. My midwife told me that I had to feel would feel more comfortable with a home birth or birth in a birthing centre. I contacted a midwife for home births directly. My great luck was that this Midwife and her team have built up a second mainstay with a birth centre had. So I had all my options open.
But I just couldn't make up my mind. Which will be the right place, can I I had to open up and let go and many more questions were in my head. Through mental preparation, positive birth reports and conversations, I was able to decide to give birth in a birthing centre.
I prepared myself mentally for the birth. Manifesting the process, which midwife will be present, a water birth in which I can take my baby myself and that I will arrive at the birth centre with an 8 cm dilated cervix.

Now the day had come. 08.04.2022/09.04.2022 I had light waves throughout the day. In the evening, a strong wave where the My waters broke. I contacted my midwife and the babysitter for the big one, and a friend who drove us.
My boyfriend put our son to bed and I had lots of strong waves inside a few minutes. We made an appointment with the midwife directly and set off. We
arrived at the birth centre and our midwife examined me. The cervix was already at 8 cm. The second midwife was called in. Just as I had imagined that one person came.
The pool was still being filled, but at first it looked like I wouldn't be able to do it again. into it. I had a lot of strong waves and was able to make them with loving guidance. „breathe in“. My eyes were closed the whole time and I was able to come to my senses. talk to yourself. I listed my affirmations and talked to our baby. Then I was able to go into the pool for the last hour. Through different positions I loosened my pelvis and with the help of the little one I was able to gently get him out of me. push. Everything went at our pace. We were given patience and trust. And So I was able to take him myself in the last wave and hold him in my arms.

I can't put this feeling of happiness, relief, love and tenderness into words. grasp. My fears had vanished. In this situation, I could simply I be. Letting go of everything and surrendering completely without painkillers. From the arrival at the From the birth centre to the birth, just two hours had passed. Afterwards I was lovingly showered, looked after and our baby was carefully „examined“. When we were happily released four hours later, we lay down to our son to bed and woke up with him in our arms in the morning. I wish this for every spregnant woman.

Claudia